Update!

Aloha!

I hope that you are all well and are excited for the Holidays! I thought I would just give you all a quick update on how my training has gone on since I announced that I would be trekking The Great Wall of China in 2016 for charity! Well, as quick as can be for me, you should all know I like to waffle on by now.

I donated all the unopened unhealthy food we had in the house to a food bank, as I didn't want it to tempt me but I also didn't want to throw it away, knowing that so many people go hungry. I now only treat myself to foods such as chocolate, although I was treating myself the other day and I didn't enjoy it. I know, I was quite surprised too. I've also started going for early morning runs every other day and I dance around my house with hand weights for atleast an hour a day. 

I weighed myself today and I've lost a total of 10 pounds in two weeks! I'm very proud of myself. 

Anyway, I said I was going to keep this short and sweet, so that I am. To those that support me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

All my love,

Shaniece :)

ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Hey, guys and gals!

So the other day I was in bed and got to thinking about much I’d accomplished by the time I was twenty. I then got to thinking about the things I wanted to do before I was 30 and began to write a list. I began writing the typical things women do, find a partner, get our own house, get married, have children and a dog called Buster or something along those lines. Other people want that too, right? If you know me personally, you’ll know I do not like to do anything like other people and I like to be different so I began to add other things. Some of the things I want to do are, travel the world, and experience some thrill seeking things like skydiving, bungee jumping, swimming with sharks etc. I then added something else to my list “Help a charity in some way or another”. I've volunteered before but I wanted to do something which was a bit different, to tie in with me being crazy and not wanting to do things by halves.

The next day I went to the shop to get the day’s paper and I picked up a magazine, I don’t know why but something told me to pick it up. I then went to pay for the magazine and the paper before going back home and reading the paper. I forgot about the magazine until the next morning and sat down to read it; it had the usual real life stories about a woman whose husband had run off with someone else and those inspiring stories, too. I then turned over the page and saw an advert for a charity trek in England. It caught my eye and I began to read up on it online, to the point where I felt that I had to do this. I’ve been telling myself I wanted to shift some weight and be a lot healthier due to my health and I also wanted to raise money for charity like I mentioned earlier in this post. I then emailed this company that seemed like the best company for me and they emailed me back a few days later with the answers to my questions. They suggested I speak to the people closest to me about it, and see what they think, first. So that I did.

Now, if I had a £1 for every person that laughed at me, or told me I wouldn’t be able to do it, I would be rich. The only people who actually believed in me were my Dad, my best friend and a few other people. My mother kind of swept it under the rug as if to say “Yeah, I bet you will”. I know she probably didn’t mean it, but it made me feel crappy. I felt like I didn’t want to do it, but as you will know by now, I’m very fond of a rapper called Iggy Azalea. She’s inspired me a lot since I found her music, and her music has also helped me no end. She was told she would never make it, and now has. So I thought about it and then thought about all the children I would be helping in the process, also the weight I would shift. Me being me, I like to prove people wrong, it is basically like my hobby, haha! So I paid my joining fee so now I have no way of backing out of this.

“What are you even doing, Shaniece?” I hear you ask, well....*Taps glass and clears throat*.

In October 2016, I Shaniece Smith, will be trekking this bad boy!

Yes! The Great Wall of China! All 8,850 km or 5,500 miles of it. Well the parts that are safe for me to do so!

I know the day is far away, but due to health issues I can’t just go straight into training and I need to break myself into it slowly. Anyway, with the way the years are flying by these days, I'm sure 680 days will pass by pretty quickly.

The charity I’m going to be supporting is going to be Barnardo's as they stand for everything that I do. Look them up if you're unsure as to what and who they are! Here's a link to their website: http://www.barnardos.org.uk

So that is that, and now you know. If you support me in what I’m doing then thank you from the bottom of my heart, but, I’m not doing this for anyone else. I’m not doing this for the people that were mean to be in my school life for being overweight, I’m not doing this for a guy, I’m not doing this because I’m bored of being the fatty of the group. I am doing this for myself, my health mainly but also those children that I know this money I raise will help! If you don’t believe in me and that I won’t do it, I cannot wait to sit my no longer fat ass on your face to make you shut up. I’ll let you know about donations when these people get me all set up with a donation pack. Let’s do this!


Thanks for reading, guys!

Peace and love,

Shaniece :)

What is depression?

Many of us only know the dictionary meaning of the word and not the true meaning, thankfully. But what really is depression? How does it make you feel? If it makes you feel anything at all. I’ve written this blog post for those people too afraid to ask someone close to them who may be battling this disease, those questions. I’ll try and keep it short and sweet, but you know me, I like to ramble.

First things first, what is depression? 

Depression is a mental health illness that is causing the death of more and more people as the time goes on. These people can often seem okay on the outside and you will often not know that they are depressed. It causes your brain to question itself and everything you stand for. You will lose friends, your sanity and emotions.

How does it make you feel?

Often when you ask people this question, they will simply say “Depression makes you feel sad.” But it’s not just sadness. Imagine you’re submerged into a pool of water, you’re fighting with all your might not to sink deeper and deeper, you look up and you can see everybody else around you on the surface having the time of their lives whilst staying afloat, but you keep sinking and sinking with hardly anybody noticing but yourself, you try everything but you’re drowning and you feel like you can’t breathe so you begin to panic. Every so often you’ll make a bit of headway on getting back to the surface. However, everything you do seems to not work to help you get back up to the surface and you want to give up. You want to end it all instead of fighting. That is a brief description of depression. Sometimes you’ll not want to leave your bed for days because that is the only place you feel safe. Sometimes you’ll not want to leave your house in fear that you’ll see somebody and you’ll have to communicate with others. Then sometimes you’ll force yourself to act like a “normal” human being, however afterwards you’ll get pulled lower and lower, deeper and deeper into the water that in this case represents depression. There will be times when you don’t speak to people for days, and there will be days where you just want to end it all. In a way your brain switches up on you, it doesn’t make you see anything good about the world, only the bad. Your emotions will drain from your body and you won’t care about the things you used to love. That my friend, in a nutshell, is depression. 

What can help a depressed person?

I get asked this so many times by other people who have someone close to them who may be suffering from this disease. Everybody is different and can be helped in different ways. However, I guarantee, just by being there for that someone is enough in itself. It doesn’t have to be a lot but just every few days just call or text them, see how they’re doing, see if they even would like to hang out with you or if they’re up to visitors. If you feel that they may need some more professional help and you do notice a change in them whether that be that they don’t eat as much as they used to or they eat a lot more than they used to, they don’t like doing things they used to love anymore, they’re weepy and when they speak it is generally negative or if they start to self harm, please do seek help. For sometimes, people do not see the changes in themselves until they are approached by someone on the outside. 

How can I help myself?

This is pretty much the same answer as the previous question, everybody is different. However, you can get help and things WILL get better. The first thing you need to do is admit you may need some help, speak to someone you can trust whether it be a friend, family member, you doctor or someone else. They will be able to offer you an ear to listen and maybe a shoulder to cry on as you offload. Trust me, you’ll feel much better! The next thing to do is make an appointment with your doctor where they will be able to offer you some help whether it be medication, a counsellor or other options. Also talk to your family members/close friends and write up a crisis plan. A crisis plan is what you do and who you call if you feel like you’re going to harm yourself. Make sure these are trusted people who you know will put your wellbeing at the forefront of everything and won’t ignore your call because they’re watching TV. 

Also, make a happy box/drawer/space in your room where you keep everything that makes you happy. This can be pictures, concert tickets, posters of your favourite artists etc. Each time you feel sad or you want to harm yourself, literally go to your happy place and look at everything. Remember how you felt in that moment in time, remember that those people in the pictures love you, remember that this moment will pass and you don’t want to do something permanent like harming yourself for something that is temporary.  

Listen to music. If you know me personally, you’ll know that I'm a very big fan of a rapper called Iggy Azalea. She’s helped me a lot through my worst days and most of the time is the only person that can. When she was 16 she upped and left Australia and moved to America, she went on her own with limited money and no family in America. Most of her songs tell a story about how she ended up being one of the most successful rappers of this century. It seems weird and crazy, but sometimes you need someone to look up to, sometimes you need to listen to someone else’s story and see how far they’ve come. Then you’ll realise life isn’t that bad, y’know? Go check her album out and Youtube some of her interviews, I can gurantee you’ll feel so much better afterwards. Whether you want to shake your booty to her song F*ck Love which is basically about loving yourself or just simply listen to Impossible is Nothing or Walk The Line to feel inspired, her album has a song for every mood you’re in. I guess my point is, find your musical hero, listen to them, dance around your room, let it all go! If all else fails listen to the video below, have a dance around your room and be HAPPY. You’re welcome.

Will I ever get better?

The answer is yes, you will get better but it will be a long, hard and sometimes tiring battle. It also won’t happen overnight. In time though, you’ll get better. I promise! Always remember that everything will be okay, and if it’s not okay then it’s not the end. You’re going to be okay, just hang in there!

I hope I haven’t rambled on too much and this helps some of you.

All the best,

Shaniece :)

Dear Depression

Dear Depression,
  

Some people don’t understand the connection we share,

“Oh snap out of it” is their response too ignorant to care,

Too ignorant to ask questions or simply just too scared,

I was never actually prepared,

For how much of me you’d overtake and invade,

Bit by bit, every emotion you slayed,

You took away my being able to feel,

You took away my coping mechanism and how to deal,

With even minor things that would happen in life,

Made me feel that the only way to cope was with a knife,

Pressed down deep onto my skin,

You made me feel asif I was dying from within,

You made me feel worthless,

You made me feel anxious,

You made me feel like I was dead,

You made me have dark thoughts in my head,

You made me lose interest in the things I once loved,

Infact you made me feel unloved,

You see I’m one of the lucky ones that is able,

To say that their mental state is now near stable,

The Drs are now happy with my progress,

My life could have been a complete mess,

But I had friends, who loved me even when I couldn’t love myself,

Some didn’t even understand that I had a problem with my health,

Depression doesn’t make you look physically ill,

But still they made it their will,

To make me better make me back to the old me,

I know that it was up to me though internally,

I had all the support but I had to tackle,

Depression head on and so I went into battle,

With this deep dark disease and there were some days,

When I wanted to go back to my old ways,

I felt like I didn’t want to get out of bed,

I felt I’d be better off dead,

I felt like I didn’t want the world to see me,

My friends however wouldn’t leave me be,

So you see depression you have not won,

And I know this battle is far from done,

My frozen from fear body now begins to thaw,

It’s a slow process but I feel stronger than I was before,

And as the scars on my body begin to fade,

I’m glad on this Earth I have stayed,

For there are people you have managed to destroy,

The things they once loved they no longer enjoy,

You manage to break them down until they see no way,

To carry on, so they take their own life you lead them astray,

Depression I hate you and I hate what you did to me,

However, I have risen to victory,

You cannot control me and I will not let you,

I know I have the support of my support network too,

I’m gonna kick your butt and when I’m done,

You’re going to wish you never had begun,

Bullying me for that is what you did,

Some days all I did was hid,

from the world, And I hate that you allow me,

To not see all the worlds natural beauty,

I am now grateful for every single day I am alive,

I am grateful for my very few friends that stayed by my side,

I am grateful for my parents for always being there,

I am grateful for you too Depression but you didn’t keep me in your snare,

For now I know the signs and symptoms I can help others,

Depression affects anyone whether it is a friend or even your mother,

Depression you haven’t won this battle and I’m sorry to break it to you,

I was just too strong in the end and if you’re reading this and feel this way too,

I’m always here,

To lend my ear,

We can kick Depressions butt together,

For there is strength in numbers, so be kind to each other! :)